I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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