i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Semen is not good for contacts.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
