Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
