Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
