So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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