It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
