Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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