I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
