all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
