It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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