Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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