I puked a lego.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize