tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
