his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
