imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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