Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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