shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We left an ass print on the piano.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
