those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
