my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm having to shit out rocks
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