Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
