Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize