Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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