i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
