it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
