If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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