I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
