I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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