One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
