I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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