I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have post one night stand depression
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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