are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
