I don't usually arrange sex via text message
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
