do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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