I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
