So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
