the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize