Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
