That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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