What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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