I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
