I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
