I didn't shave. On purpose
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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