Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
