Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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