Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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