Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
