do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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