When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize