my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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