I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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