He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
