I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
