I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize