she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
