i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
