I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize