He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
