she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
