What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
