all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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