Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Welp...herpes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
