okay pat passed out under dana's car
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize