her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
