Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
