I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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