Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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