Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
