so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you had me at cake vodka
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
