Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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