White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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