he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
