dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Less talking, more tequila
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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