We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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