I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
