he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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