You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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