Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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