she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
