i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
