Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
