i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
