I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
