I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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