Sponge bath it is.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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