i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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