pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
