I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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