dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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