As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
