It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
