I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
