I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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