so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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