i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
