i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your dad touched me again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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